I wish I could look into my heart and know what I want. I wish I could fabricate a life that I could be SURE would include satisfaction, fulfillment and love. I wish that I could be less socially inept. I wish my neurosis would take a backseat for once, instead of driving all the time. I wish that people could SEE ME for the person I am instead of the person they THINK I am. I wish I could be informed as to who that person is.
Most importantly, I wish I would stop wishing and go live.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
You Are My Sunshine
I've been thinking a lot lately... I think it's because summer's ending in T minus 4.5 days for me and I know subconsciously that once the RA training and school year get going, I won't have time to REALLY think about things other than schoolwork. Here have been some of my most prominent thoughts of late:
How are Christians supposed to balance a holy life that's set apart from the world, while still dealing with a desire to be loved and accepted by the people around them? That longing to be wanted is in every person's heart, no matter how strong or weak the desire is, it's there. But we aren't supposed to fit in with the world. We're supposed to live far above the standard of the world, even to the point of being persecuted for what we believe. We're made for good, selfless, loving community, but if the people in your own home don't understand that or aren't capable of that, how do you balance it on an emotional level? Practically, living a holy lifestyle is the priority. It's all about pleasing God, yo. But when pleasing God comes at the price of loneliness and detachment, how do you deal with those emotions?
If my relationship with my dad primarily consists of him making fun of me and I finally tell him how much it sucks to hear those things all the time, is that ruining our relationship? Crap. Did I just totally break our father-daughter connection? Hm. Looks like we need to find something else to talk about instead of how I'm no fun anymore.
Can you like someone without being attracted to them? Sometimes a person gets more attractive as you get to know them better and like their personality more, right? We'll see.
I get so frustrated... no... SO FRUSTRATED by parents who aren't consistent in the discipline of their children. I don't care if you and I have different thoughts on the "right" way to discipline, just be consistent. Spank them, paddle them, yell at them, reason with them, take things away, whatever it is you do, DO IT. If you aren't consistent with your discipline, your kid won't know for sure where the boundary is that you're trying to set! Bajeebers!
I'm terrified of how the collective global population idolizes progress. *shudder*
I'd really like this one sweet tattoo on my left foot, but I just found out that this creep of a guy has the same thing tattooed on his shoulder... I mean, the one I want is sweeter because it includes some lyrics from my favorite hymn, but still. I'm torn now. I might get it anyway. I might redesign. Poo.
It's interesting how people are always striving to gain the affirmation of other people. Donald Miller wrote about this in his book Searching For God Knows What. He called this affirmation seeking behavior the Lifeboat Theory. You know that exercise you've heard about kids doing for "values clarification" purposes? You know the one: there's a lifeboat that can hold 5 people, there are six people trying to get on... a successful lawyer, a doctor, a housewife, her son with Down Syndrome, a four star chef, and a college student. Which one doesn't make it on the boat? Well, each one presumably makes an argument as to why he or she should be allowed on the boat. Life is this way, too. Everyone goes around talking about their accomplishments, what they have to offer, and why keeping them around would be better for everyone else as well. You know what I say? That's BULL. On one hand, you have the fact that we aren't supposed to be trying to please everyone else!! God gave us our talents, we use them to glorify God, not to exalt ourselves or prove ourselves "worthy" of acceptance. We don't have to SELL ourselves to be get affirmation! We are who we are. Period. And on the other hand you have the fact that there's room enough for everyone in the boat already, so no justification is needed. Jesus tossed himself out of the boat a looooong time ago so that there'd be enough room for us all. It's about time people start to recognize that, fall to their knees in thanksgiving, and stop being SO ANNOYING by trying to outdo everyone else to prove themselves "better candidates" for the boat.
I miss my lost best guy friend. This time it was my fault that I lost him.
Camping is one of the great joys of life. There is nothing like being outside all day and all night. God's creation is so beautiful and so full of life and music. What a brilliant God we serve.
How are Christians supposed to balance a holy life that's set apart from the world, while still dealing with a desire to be loved and accepted by the people around them? That longing to be wanted is in every person's heart, no matter how strong or weak the desire is, it's there. But we aren't supposed to fit in with the world. We're supposed to live far above the standard of the world, even to the point of being persecuted for what we believe. We're made for good, selfless, loving community, but if the people in your own home don't understand that or aren't capable of that, how do you balance it on an emotional level? Practically, living a holy lifestyle is the priority. It's all about pleasing God, yo. But when pleasing God comes at the price of loneliness and detachment, how do you deal with those emotions?
If my relationship with my dad primarily consists of him making fun of me and I finally tell him how much it sucks to hear those things all the time, is that ruining our relationship? Crap. Did I just totally break our father-daughter connection? Hm. Looks like we need to find something else to talk about instead of how I'm no fun anymore.
Can you like someone without being attracted to them? Sometimes a person gets more attractive as you get to know them better and like their personality more, right? We'll see.
I get so frustrated... no... SO FRUSTRATED by parents who aren't consistent in the discipline of their children. I don't care if you and I have different thoughts on the "right" way to discipline, just be consistent. Spank them, paddle them, yell at them, reason with them, take things away, whatever it is you do, DO IT. If you aren't consistent with your discipline, your kid won't know for sure where the boundary is that you're trying to set! Bajeebers!
I'm terrified of how the collective global population idolizes progress. *shudder*
I'd really like this one sweet tattoo on my left foot, but I just found out that this creep of a guy has the same thing tattooed on his shoulder... I mean, the one I want is sweeter because it includes some lyrics from my favorite hymn, but still. I'm torn now. I might get it anyway. I might redesign. Poo.
It's interesting how people are always striving to gain the affirmation of other people. Donald Miller wrote about this in his book Searching For God Knows What. He called this affirmation seeking behavior the Lifeboat Theory. You know that exercise you've heard about kids doing for "values clarification" purposes? You know the one: there's a lifeboat that can hold 5 people, there are six people trying to get on... a successful lawyer, a doctor, a housewife, her son with Down Syndrome, a four star chef, and a college student. Which one doesn't make it on the boat? Well, each one presumably makes an argument as to why he or she should be allowed on the boat. Life is this way, too. Everyone goes around talking about their accomplishments, what they have to offer, and why keeping them around would be better for everyone else as well. You know what I say? That's BULL. On one hand, you have the fact that we aren't supposed to be trying to please everyone else!! God gave us our talents, we use them to glorify God, not to exalt ourselves or prove ourselves "worthy" of acceptance. We don't have to SELL ourselves to be get affirmation! We are who we are. Period. And on the other hand you have the fact that there's room enough for everyone in the boat already, so no justification is needed. Jesus tossed himself out of the boat a looooong time ago so that there'd be enough room for us all. It's about time people start to recognize that, fall to their knees in thanksgiving, and stop being SO ANNOYING by trying to outdo everyone else to prove themselves "better candidates" for the boat.
I miss my lost best guy friend. This time it was my fault that I lost him.
Camping is one of the great joys of life. There is nothing like being outside all day and all night. God's creation is so beautiful and so full of life and music. What a brilliant God we serve.
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