Fritz Perls Part II

Lots of homework. Stressed. Great conversation last night... challenging, encouraging, convicting. He's too dang good. I'm not good enough. HE is too dang awesome. No one is good enough. But we are because He says we are. Beautiful.

Fritz Perls Style

Lately I'm alone even when there are people around. Quoted Bonhoeffer at lunch... felt pretentious. Apparently my face is never without a scowl. When did that happen? Can't I make decisions without there being 100 implications? Maybe I just never thought about gauging my ears before Beth asked if I wanted to. No, this was not to fit in better. Fit in with who? Clearly I fit with no one because I'm left out 80% of the time. Hurt. Downpour soaked me but I didn't hate it. I love rain. Quiet would be nice. Too many feelings. Emo. I hate emo kids. I AM an emo kid right now. Disgusting.

Honesty? I don't know what that is right now. I don't know how to say no. Choking on my own inner tension. Angry and annoyed. Violence has never been my thing, but I could use a physical outlet of some sort right now. God. Where does God fit in to this? Where do I fit into Him? Lies. Twice today already. Freaking great. Failure.

is this real life?

i feel like i'm too plugged in. i know it's lame and i opted into all of it, but i feel like all of the social networking sites i'm part of allow me to become anyone i wish to be. i can have one personality on facebook, a different (more emo screamo) personality on here, yet another one (more nerdy/goofy)on twitter, and still others on tumblr and last.fm.

i think it's interesting how different sides of angela manifest in different outlets. i'll bet money that it's because i know who sees each of these websites. i carefully monitor how i'm portraying myself based on who will see it. i'm no better than the average mask-wearing weenie.

i suppose the combination of all of those things is me... or maybe it's still not. hm, i'm on the verge of an existential crisis. oh well, i'll deal with it another day.

Come Out of the Cave Walking on Your Hands

I have a Greek test tomorrow that I am semi-unprepared for. I dislike that feeling. I am not woefully unprepared. I like that feeling.

I greatly enjoy my biweekly lunches with Jesse... and I'm not just saying that because I think he actually reads my blog. I'm just saying it because it's on my mind.

Sometimes I wish I could take on the life a totally different person for one day. Maybe someday I'll wear a disguise and act very unlike myself. Probably not.

I don't think I'm going to reapply to be an RA next year. We'll see.

It would be wonderful to have a three day period with no responsibilities and no people around so I could just rest and be productive.

I am too nostalgic for my own good a lot of the time. I'm also too much of a hopeless romantic for my own good. I usually pretend that love sickens me and I make sarcastic disgusted comments about couples.

The clock in my dorm room ticks very loudly.

Some days I think I'm too boring for anyone to find interesting. Some days I think I'm too weird for anyone to relate to. I have no idea how people perceive me.