I've been thinking a lot lately... I think it's because summer's ending in T minus 4.5 days for me and I know subconsciously that once the RA training and school year get going, I won't have time to REALLY think about things other than schoolwork. Here have been some of my most prominent thoughts of late:
How are Christians supposed to balance a holy life that's set apart from the world, while still dealing with a desire to be loved and accepted by the people around them? That longing to be wanted is in every person's heart, no matter how strong or weak the desire is, it's there. But we aren't supposed to fit in with the world. We're supposed to live far above the standard of the world, even to the point of being persecuted for what we believe. We're made for good, selfless, loving community, but if the people in your own home don't understand that or aren't capable of that, how do you balance it on an emotional level? Practically, living a holy lifestyle is the priority. It's all about pleasing God, yo. But when pleasing God comes at the price of loneliness and detachment, how do you deal with those emotions?
If my relationship with my dad primarily consists of him making fun of me and I finally tell him how much it sucks to hear those things all the time, is that ruining our relationship? Crap. Did I just totally break our father-daughter connection? Hm. Looks like we need to find something else to talk about instead of how I'm no fun anymore.
Can you like someone without being attracted to them? Sometimes a person gets more attractive as you get to know them better and like their personality more, right? We'll see.
I get so frustrated... no... SO FRUSTRATED by parents who aren't consistent in the discipline of their children. I don't care if you and I have different thoughts on the "right" way to discipline, just be consistent. Spank them, paddle them, yell at them, reason with them, take things away, whatever it is you do, DO IT. If you aren't consistent with your discipline, your kid won't know for sure where the boundary is that you're trying to set! Bajeebers!
I'm terrified of how the collective global population idolizes progress. *shudder*
I'd really like this one sweet tattoo on my left foot, but I just found out that this creep of a guy has the same thing tattooed on his shoulder... I mean, the one I want is sweeter because it includes some lyrics from my favorite hymn, but still. I'm torn now. I might get it anyway. I might redesign. Poo.
It's interesting how people are always striving to gain the affirmation of other people. Donald Miller wrote about this in his book Searching For God Knows What. He called this affirmation seeking behavior the Lifeboat Theory. You know that exercise you've heard about kids doing for "values clarification" purposes? You know the one: there's a lifeboat that can hold 5 people, there are six people trying to get on... a successful lawyer, a doctor, a housewife, her son with Down Syndrome, a four star chef, and a college student. Which one doesn't make it on the boat? Well, each one presumably makes an argument as to why he or she should be allowed on the boat. Life is this way, too. Everyone goes around talking about their accomplishments, what they have to offer, and why keeping them around would be better for everyone else as well. You know what I say? That's BULL. On one hand, you have the fact that we aren't supposed to be trying to please everyone else!! God gave us our talents, we use them to glorify God, not to exalt ourselves or prove ourselves "worthy" of acceptance. We don't have to SELL ourselves to be get affirmation! We are who we are. Period. And on the other hand you have the fact that there's room enough for everyone in the boat already, so no justification is needed. Jesus tossed himself out of the boat a looooong time ago so that there'd be enough room for us all. It's about time people start to recognize that, fall to their knees in thanksgiving, and stop being SO ANNOYING by trying to outdo everyone else to prove themselves "better candidates" for the boat.
I miss my lost best guy friend. This time it was my fault that I lost him.
Camping is one of the great joys of life. There is nothing like being outside all day and all night. God's creation is so beautiful and so full of life and music. What a brilliant God we serve.
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I didn't know you were going to be an RA this year. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAnd the subject of your second paragraph is something I've been thinking about lately. Like, am I supposed to try to be happy in a world that has totally different standards than mine for what true happiness is?I don't know how you deal with stuff like that on an emotional level, but I think you've started to deal with it by what you wrote. Simply recognizing that there is a disconnect has to count for something, right?
PS- I notice we write about many of the same things ;-)
My friend, you are quite random with your thoughts sometimes. :P
ReplyDeleteOn being accepted by the people of this world while serving God: I have found the simplest way to relate to a non-believer is just simply to love. I'm not particularly a preachy person, so I have the tendency to keep my beliefs to myself a lot more than most. Sometimes I've had to cringe at the foul language or crude behavior when I'm around them, but not preaching at them is the key. You'll find that they may start to ask you some questions of their own, or admire that you didn't judge or write them off. I have quite a few non-Christian friends who value that about me (or at least I hope to think so). There have been occasions where friends have been drinking or smoking and I haven't been. There isn't much peer pressure though. If you're confident enough in who you are in Christ, they'll respect that about you.
My relationship with my dad is pretty rocky at this point in time. We got into it today because he thinking that my double-majoring will still leave me jobless. In the back of his mind, I'm sure he's thinking: "This girl will never find a man to take care of her." My mom has accepted the plan I made for my life and sees me as being able to care for myself, but my dad doesn't quite see that yet. When fights happen I think it's important to 1. Walk away and give each other space, and 2. Try to avoid the sore subject. In time stuff just works itself out with family.
We've both been wondering about platonic relationships with the opposite gender lately. If I find something out, I'll let you know. :P
When you're an aunt, discipline issues will frustrate you to the max. Also applies if you have a job in which you see children and parents interact.
Progress worries me a little as it affects what I love to do. I hand draw and don't use a tablet, but most do and I wonder when I'll have to fork over the big bucks for one. Maybe Christmas. But I also wonder if my artwork will be as wonderful.
If it's going to remind you of the creepy guy every time you look at it, I'd redesign. :P
When I stopped looking for affirmation from others, it was so freeing. And when I did get affirmation it meant more because I didn't expect/want it. One person at Malone said he liked me because "you don't give a damn what anyone thinks of you." And I don't. It's the most liberating thing you can ever experience. I know sometimes as Christians we just want to be seen as that upstanding role model, but no one is perfect. I mean, at my part-time misery no one ever has said, "You're doing a great job" or "You're a super cashier" but when one customer told me I was a "nice girl" that was more than enough. I didn't expect it and it was wonderful.
I also lost my best guy friend (I blogged about it). We were friends for years until he fell for me, and just decided to end our friendship over me not returning his feelings. Beware the lose of a guy friend, as they are very hard to come by. :(
I'm not much for camping, but I love looking at God's fantastic creation. When I watch the sun set, with all its glorious colors and lines in the sky, I think "How can people deny God exists when you look at something so elaborate and simple and beautiful?"
I think I had something to say about everything. LOL
I'm terribly sorry that I told you about who has the tattoo you wanted. I didn't mean to ruin that for you :( However, with the words around it it would be totally different and better, plus it would have more meaning (:
ReplyDeleteAlso, I approve of the title for this post.
And, I agree with you on consistency with discipline a hundred times over.
jesse: thanks for the well wishes, my friend! i'm pretty terrified. haha hopefully it turns into excitement soon. and yes, we do blog about a lot of the same issues because i read YOUR blog and it really makes me think. a lot. then i start wrestling with the same things you do. this disillusionment with the world has been coming up more and more lately and i feel like it could be the Spirit stirring in the hearts of believers. we shall see.
ReplyDeleteroxie: haha i loved all of your individual assessments. :) thank you thank you for your great words.
katie: no worries! really! i'm glad to know now instead of randomly seeing him on campus playing bball and catching a glimpse of his shoulder.