Lately I'm alone even when there are people around. Quoted Bonhoeffer at lunch... felt pretentious. Apparently my face is never without a scowl. When did that happen? Can't I make decisions without there being 100 implications? Maybe I just never thought about gauging my ears before Beth asked if I wanted to. No, this was not to fit in better. Fit in with who? Clearly I fit with no one because I'm left out 80% of the time. Hurt. Downpour soaked me but I didn't hate it. I love rain. Quiet would be nice. Too many feelings. Emo. I hate emo kids. I AM an emo kid right now. Disgusting.
Honesty? I don't know what that is right now. I don't know how to say no. Choking on my own inner tension. Angry and annoyed. Violence has never been my thing, but I could use a physical outlet of some sort right now. God. Where does God fit in to this? Where do I fit into Him? Lies. Twice today already. Freaking great. Failure.
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