For those of you readers who don't attend Malone, you need to be aware that Celebration is a semi-weekly student led worship service held on Thursday nights. Tonight was one of those glorious Thursdays...
Corey, the speaker for tonight, talked about a lot of different things and mostly it felt like he was speaking directly to me (haha i know he wasn't). In case you don't remember from my post entitled "Mein Kampf," I have been struggling a lot with myself lately. Remember I said that I have a difficult time making guy friends because I'm not pretty? Well, tonight I realized that's poppycock and bolderdash... my weakness is my view of myself. THAT's what keeps me from feeling new friendships. It's not that they haven't formed, it's that I've been numb to them because I can't see beyond my own insecurities and feelings of loneliness.
I have been feeling so alone recently and I've been jealous of those who have been spending time with my friends when I can't be there. Oh man, that's so selfish. I have it engrained in my head that I'm not lovable... I neither deserve to be loved nor am I capable of being loved. Tonight at Celebration I finally felt like God was saying not to feel alone anymore, that He's def there for me always. I knew this in my head, but not my heart... I think it finally reached my heart. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy changing my mind about myself, but I know it needs to be done or else I'm telling God that He doesn't love me well enough. Please keep me in your prayers as I deal with this change of heart. Thanks. =]
Favorites:
Brian "Head" Welch of Korn gives his testimony
"In Crist Alone" by Travis Cottrell-- my favorite version EVER
"Marvelous Light" by Charlie Hall-- that's where it's at fo sho
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heehee... oops. dan, i didn't intentionally not respond, i swear!
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